Harry Brown (2009)

Michael Caine is not a man to be messed with…. He’s faced a swarm of killer bees, Jack the Ripper, Steven Segal, The Joker, and even Hollywood’s most famous rubber shark, Joan Rivers. Those were all practice however, for here in Harry Brown; Caine is up against the yoof of today, in all their happy slapping glory. Well at least a heightened version of the gang culture of today. I’m not saying this stuff doesn’t happen, I’m just saying in Harry Brown, these are the most contemptuous, vile, irredeemable people you could ever meet. The chavs of Harry Brown make Caine’s previous scuffs with Jack the Ripper and Jaws seem about as threatening as indigestion.

Make no mistake, this is one of the bleakest and most depressing films of recent years, and I left the cinema feeling cold and emotionally drained. Many sequences, such as an already infamous sequence in a drug den, is like something from a David Lynch directed nightmare, making this alongside Eden Lake seem to usher in a whole new genre of Hoody Horror. It’s one of the few times that as the credits rolled, I hoped for a proceeding two minute short film about kittens, just to put me into a sense of false security.

So while I walked home feeling uneasy with the film, the one thing I was sure about was Michael Caine, delivering a wholly believable character study. He makes Brown sympathetic, despite the acts he finds himself committing. However, this in part is due to the film’s depiction of the gang members as pure evil, making his actions dangerously commendable. The surrounding performances are also solid, but I wasn’t entirely sure about Emily Mortimer. This may have not been entirely her fault, as her character, as well as Officer Hickock felt underwritten and often stereotypical. It’s defiantly a well made film, looking and sounding fantastic. The cinematography is suitably bleak and the music is low key, tense and eerie.

Therefore as you can tell, Harry Brown certainly isn’t a bad film; in fact at times it’s very good, especially for a debut feature. But while for many the film will be a responsibly unglamorous parable of a generation falling to pieces, the films heavy handedness and debatable ethics are troublesome. While the film aims for Gran Torino, it quickly falls into the right-wing sadism of the Death Wish series, lacking the subtlety of Eastwood’s film. The questions Harry Brown raises are important; making the film worth viewing. Audiences will have to make their own opinions on the films questionable ethics and its handling of such important issues. It can very briefly be summed up by a quote from an anonymous user of a popular online forum: “It’s a bit like falling to sleep with Get Carter on in the background…Having just read the Daily Express”.

Best Worst Movie (2009)

Best Worst Movie (2009)

Director: Michael Stephenson

Starring: George Hardy, Darren Ewing and Margo Prey.

Many films have entered the cult movie pantheons, but there’s one in particular that’s regarded as the indisputable Holy Grail of bad movies. It’s a film so incomprehensively awful, so wildly bizarre, that it transcends mere superlatives. The film is Troll 2, and to even begin to describe why the film is so fantastically terrible would be a disservice to it. Yet, here, in Best Worst Movie, Michael Stephenson (once child ’star’ of Troll 2) not only successfully manages to analyse why Troll 2 is loved by so many, but also crafts a wonderfully insightful look into the growing trend of bad movie fandom. Even more surprising, are the genuinely moving and disturbing moments in which it peers into the darker side of the film industry, examining not only those riding the wave of cult fame, but also those whose careers have been doomed forever by association.

Despite the opportunity for the film to lazily sneer and giggle at Troll 2, Stephenson never sacrifices the opportunity to explore what makes bad movie, and how a film like Troll 2 transforms from obscure embarrassment to camp-cult sensation. No one goes out of their way to make a cult movie, unless missing the point completely ie: Snakes on a Plane, Die You Zombie Bastards or even Grindhouse. The real monstrosities of cinema are those which have no signs of their tongue being anywhere near the cheek, those films which clearly slipped away from the filmmaker’s original vision, and collapsed in front of their very eyes.

By opening the film with the focus on the fandom surrounding the film, the audience is almost unprepared when the documentary eventually takes a darker route. Indeed, key to the success of Best Worst Movie, is the balance between the light hearted and uncomfortable moments. Take for instance when are introduced to the director, Claudio Fragrasso. It’s easy to laugh when the eccentric Fregrasso throws words like ‘masterpiece’ at his film, or compares it to the Harry Potter series, but when faced with the stark reality that his film is considered a camp classic, or referring to the actors as ‘dogs’, it becomes uncomfortably close to the edge.

The undoubted star of the film is George Hardy, an accomplished dentist in Alabama, who in 1989, found himself starring in Troll 2 after indulging his lifelong ambition to become an actor. Hardy becomes the central figure of the film, joining director and co-star Stephenson on his journey of all things Troll 2. While some fans might grumble that other figures within the film deserve as much focus, the decision to make Hardy the centre of the film is highly commendable. Not only is he funny, enigmatic and charming, but Hardy’s background of rural healthcare in a small communal town, provides a counterpoint of normality to the surreal history behind the production of Troll 2.

Indeed, Hardy’s charmingly bemused nature to his cult stardom provides the film with its best scene; at a U.K horror convention, a confused Hardy is shocked by the gory sights and sounds but more so the widespread gingivitis. While Hardy steals the show, other cast and crew members prove to be just as entertaining, their reactions and memories either embracing or condemning the film are fascinating.

Best Worst Movie delivers everything you’d ever want to know about Troll 2, but it’s the surprising moments of poignancy and warmth that make it incredibly engaging viewing…Even if you’ve never heard of ‘Nilbog’.

Fire ! Death ! Money !

A Quick look at the career of Roland Emmerich

Independence Day : The world is destroyed by Aliens.

Godzilla : The world is destroyed by a big lizard.

The Day After Tomorrow : The world is destroyed by global warming.

 2012 : The world is destroyed by… The end of the world.

Roland Emmerich is a deeply disturbed, sadistic and dangerous man. 

He obviously needs to seek help in regards to his fetish for mass destruction, and should be approached with extreme caution. He probably finds sexual gratification in pictures of atom clouds, and his mind is stuck in a constantly repeating loop of CGI cars or boulders falling on helpless mothers.

Call Of Juarez: Bound In Blood

Call Of Juarez: Bound In Blood

Ubi-Soft/Techland

Xbox 360/PS3/PC

(This review is rated TL for Tediously Long)

There’s something about the mythology of the Wild West that’s always fascinated me. It could be the stylish wide brimmed hats and dusty cloaks, or perhaps the beautifully striking wide open scenery. It could be the tense and often brutal gun-play, with clunky six shooters and noisy bolt rifles. Perhaps it’s just because the Wild West represents a time completely different to ours. We now live in a time where wide brim is old hat, weaponry is charmless and capable of destroying an entire species in one shot, and excitement comes in the form of a steel tinned DVD.

Empire Of The Sun (1987)

Recently in my Terminator Salvation review, I highlighted Christian Bale’s weak performance as one of the flaws of the film. Little did I know that seeing Steven Spielberg’s Empire of the Sun a week later would make his Terminator performance even more distressing,  but ultimately forgivable. It leads me to believe that Bale knew he was working on a stinker, because here, aged only 12 years old, Bale gives one of the finest child performances I’ve ever seen. It’s a performance that’s funny, charming, warm and completely believable. He dominates the film, appearing in mostly every scene, and holds it in the palm of his hand. It’s hard to believe that the star of Speiberg’s film would later go onto swear like a sailor at a DP, but also become Batman.

Bullet Reviews 1# (Fierce Creatures, Dirty Sanchez and Taken)

• Fierce Creatures (1997)
• Dir. Fred Schepisi & Robert Young
• Starring John Cleese, Jamie Lee Curtis, Kevin Kline and Michael Palin.

Fierce Creatures received both a critical and audience drubbing back in 1997, and has since has fallen into obscurity. Even Cleese himself has denounced the film, much like he did with Python’s The Meaning of Life. A shame really, because while Fierce Creatures isn’t as rich in plot, character or even humour as it’s spiritual predecessor A Fish Called Wanda, it’s full of strong belly laughs and is probably Cleese’s last decent film.

Terminator Salvation (2009)

Terminator Salvation (2009) 12a

Dir. McG

This review has been rated S for Spoilerific and B for Unfairly Biased.

When I was back in school, the library had a small DVD rental service that was a bit like the tiny collections found in charity shops, complete with a copy of Roland Emmerich’s Godzilla. I found myself renting two films from the school, both of which proved to be soul crushingly depressing experiences. The first being Intolerable Cruelty and the second Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machines.

Terminator 3 was all the more shocking of the pair, because not only did it attempt to ruin a classic series, but it was fairly well received…. Clearly the critics didn’t see the same film as me then, which was the Batman and Robin of the Terminator series. Not only this, but the film was a rehash of T2 with 100% added camp. There’s a controversial moment in T2 in which Arnie ad-libs “I need a vacation”. Terminator 3 feels like a whole film of this cringe worthy moment. While T3 was a thoroughly depressing experience, it just about redeemed itself with an up-yours unhappy ending, something undeniably brave for such a huge mainstream film.

Now here’s Joseph ‘Full Throttle’ Mcginty’s Terminator Salvation. While I wasn’t initially thrilled by the films future war setting (There’s a reason James Cameron showed us mere flashes), it seemed likely that the film would at least be more enjoyable than Rise of the Machines. Sadly, Terminator Salvation is not only worse than its predecessor, but it’s an absolute mess of a film that doesn’t even work as simple spectacle.  

The film takes place in 2018, and the future war continues between the human resistance and the machines. Once again we meet John Connor (Christian Bale) who’s now the gruff leader of the resistance whom he was prophesied to be. While the film is about Connor at heart, he dips in and out of the plot as if suffering from Diarrhoea. The film leads us instead to focus on Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) although it should actually focus on Kyle Reese (Anton Yeltchin) although he fleetingly appears willy-nilly like Connor.

This here is the film’s first problem; it’s completely confused about whose story this is. I know it’s the first part of a proposed trilogy, but the characters are so underdeveloped that it’s infuriating. The film tries to establish a huge array of characters, although most of them, such as Michael Ironside’s General Ashdown, might as well just be cardboard cut-outs. The only actor who makes an impact is Yeltchin as Kyle Reese, doing a fantastic vocal and physical impression of Michael Biehn from the original film. 

While it’s obvious they felt that Marcus’ story, would give the film some interesting depth, it’s so poorly written and weakly plotted that it’s hard to give an ounce of a toss. Meanwhile, despite doing his best to big it up in press junkets and interviews, Christian Bale’s heart clearly isn’t in this, and it’s certainly one of the weakest performances of his career.

Speaking of the script, it’s mostly a lazy rehash of other, much better films. Set pieces from Blade Runner, War of the Worlds and even Transformers all turn up and give a wave to the audience. Interestingly McG doesn’t seem too interested in paying homage to Cameron’s work on Terminator or Terminator 2. That is until the shockingly uninspired finale, which takes place in an industrial factory, and features molten lava… inspired.

So then, it’s poorly written and lazy, so far so Terminator 3. However, that film was passable as a forgettable summer spectacle. Terminator Salvation feels hollow and lifeless even during its action scenes. There’s a reason Terminator and Terminator 2 are considered masterpieces, they’re thought provoking action films that expertly mix genres. Terminator Salvation can’t even to do action well let alone the depth that makes the series matter. Terminator Salvation is a soulless and uninvolving film that sucks more than Arnie Schwarzenegger wearing comedy glasses… I know now why you cry.

The Evil Dead (1981)

 The Evil Dead (1981)

Dir. Sam Raimi

(This review has been rated S for Spoilerific)

With the recent release of Drag Me To Hell, it’s the perfect time to take a look back at Sam Raimi’s cult classic debut feature The Evil Dead. These days Raimi is known to many audiences as the director of the hugely successful Spider-Man trilogy, a series of films so mainstream that it’s easy to forget that Raimi made his name directing low budget schlockers. While the Spider-Man films are well made and often enjoyable (the underrated Spider-Man 3 seeing Raimi inject some of the goofy comedy that infused his earlier works) they lack the sheer energy of earlier films such as the moody superhero tragedy Darkman and the hugely enjoyable western pastiche The Quick and the Dead.

Welcome

Welcome to Sucking On A Greasy Coin.

This isn’t really a blog as such, more an outlet for self indulgent rambles about film, games, and other bits and bobs.

I’ll be looking at several masterpieces such as Rob Heddon’s 1989 classic Jason Hits Manhattan, as well as all the new releases such as Eddie Murphy’s return to comedy in Dreamgirls 4D, and the return of those pesky Octoarachnids (“Greedy Motherfuckers ! Ain’t 8 legs enough” !! – Capt. Johnson)

I hope it’s vaguely tolerable…

Regards, DeHumph.